I don't like coffee. Just don't.
Don't like the taste of it. Don't like the smell of it. Don't like it sugared down or frozen. So don't try to trick me with coffee ice cream. Nope.
Don't care if you call it java, mocha latte or a cup of joe. Don't like it when it's offered as a free "treat" either because I get all happy when I'm told I can get something for free, but it dampens my spirit when the free thing is something I hate. Talk about a tease.
If coffee could talk, it would say...
COFFEE: Why don't you like me?
ME: Because I don't.
COFFEE: That's no answer. Come on. Why don't you like me?
ME: You're just not my cup of tea.
COFFEE: Of course, not. I'm coffee.
ME: You're too literal. I hate that.
See, this kind of conversation could go on for days. Then I'd need all kinds of therapy because people will wonder why I talk to coffee. So what was the purpose of this whole thing? Didn't you read the first sentence? I-don't-like-coffee!
You can go back to your lives now.