Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Spending Time With the Author Patricia G


Funny?: A Potentially Humorous Collection of Writing and Art  is a book that promotes stress-free, happy reading. It consists of many stories, poems, essays and art about such things as:

-a woman’s questionable solution to getting a man
-stupid conversations about bears and Darth Vader
-innocent customers who refuse to be screwed over by cupcakes
-subways that take sinners straight to hell
-colds that lead to priceless rap song duets
-a five-year-old named Little Jackie who says anything that pops into her precocious little   
-an 80s’ obsession that leads to cereal hoarding and cap gun holdups
-a great appreciation for grape jelly
Above all, it asks the reader, “Do you think any of this is funny?”


  They say laughter is the best medicine. After years of trying to get my writing career jumpstarted the way I wanted without great success, my career definitely needed some type of remedy. I wasn’t enjoying writing anymore because I felt like I was just writing for myself. I thought no one else was going to read what I created. So why bother, right?
   Creating Funny? actually became therapeutic for me. I was able to take some of my old stuff that had never been published and combine it with new stuff that I was suddenly inspired to write. As a result, something light and playful started to develop that I truly hoped people would have fun reading especially during this age when humor seems necessary. Reality is becoming alarmingly gloomy. I know I can’t turn on the news or pick up a newspaper without getting depressed by all of the negativity, sudden disasters and heartbreaking tragedies that the world has to offer nowadays. Who wants to wake up every morning to deal with that without some sort of relief?
   With Funny?, I had a chance to have fun. My silly stories and offbeat characters, etc made me smile and put me in a good mood. I wondered if anyone else would also have that reaction if they were exposed to my collection of nonsense. So I put together a humor book as just a little nugget of joy to pass onto anyone looking for a bit of laughter.
    If someone comes up to me to tell me that my poem about jelly was so ridiculously funny that it made them laugh-out-loud, I’ll feel great, knowing that I did my small part to spread a few smiles. Also, if someone gives me a winning lottery ticket worth a million dollars, that would be nice, too. I’m just saying...both of those things would be nice. One is a little nicer than the other, but they’re both good.


I have no choice. Ideas for stories pop into my head, and I just feel compelled to write them down on paper. If I don’t, they’ll just get clogged up in my brain, and that sounds painful. I’m not a fan of pain.


   When I get an idea, I can jot down the overall idea on anything handy at that moment. If I’m outside, I love flyers that are blank on the back because I write on the backs since I rarely carry an official writing notepad with me.
   When I’m creating a manuscript, I like to write during the afternoon into the early evening. (I’m not telling you what type of pajamas I wear when I’m writing because that’s none of your beeswax)


   I have to do it all in longhand first, and then I can transfer everything that I’ve written onto my laptop. I just can’t sit at a computer and create a story because the blank screen is annoying. A blank computer screen is demanding and arrogant. It practically screams at you, “Type something on me already! If you spell something wrong, I’ll alert you by putting red lines under whatever incorrect thing you do even if the word is actually spelled correctly because I don’t recognize all proper nouns. It’s not your fault that I don’t recognize all proper nouns. I’m just a pain in the butt that way. I’m...”
   Oh, sorry. I digress. I do longhand first. Type on computer later.


   If you want to be a writer, be a writer. It’s a special thing to be. Don’t give up. Only give up if you want to earn enough money to feed, clothe and support yourself. If you’re going to be all high maintenance like that and insist on taking care of yourself financially on a consistent basis, then perhaps being a writer isn’t the greatest choice. Maybe you should become a lawyer or a doctor. They seem to do all right for themselves. Or you could write stories about vampires and wizards. Is JK Rowling a billionaire yet?


   I was in a big, popular bookstore recently. I saw a pen and pencil set on sale. They had cute floral designs on them. The retail value for the set was...$30! $30? The pen wasn’t made of gold. The pencil wasn’t made of gold. The pen wasn’t even pure silver. The pencil wasn’t even pure silver. The box that they came in was some sort of plastic. The box wasn’t gold, pure silver or genuine leather. It wasn’t even some nice, shiny tin.
   There weren’t any labels on the set declaring that the pen and pencils would write forever and ever so that I could pass them down to my grandchildren that I’ll never have because I don’t intend on having any children, and you can’t get grandchildren if you don’t have children first. (This is a shame since the idea of having grandchildren is more appealing than having your own kids because you can spoil grandchildren, and then go home. You don’t have to clean up after them or give birth to them. Wait. What was I originally talking about? Oh, $30 pen and pencil set. Right.)
   Well, I laughed when I saw the price of the pen and pencil set. It was insane. Aren’t we in a recession? With $30, I could go to a 99 cents store and get thirty packs of pens and pencils. I’m not saying they would all work properly because they’d be cheap pieces of crap, but if you want me to spend $30 on just one pen and one pencil in a plastic box, you better include some grandchildren in the deal. Wait, no. Make that puppies. Puppies are better than grandchildren. Yeah, because puppies can be taught to fetch slippers which is always charming. I don’t think it’s legal to make grandchildren fetch things.  

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